Why do we need boundaries?
You may ask why do we need boundaries?
Firstly, we are not machines!! Machines are built to work 24/7. It is crucial we take time out for ourselves, for exercise, me time, down time, time with love ones. This creates a sound and healthy mind.
This is why we need to set ourselves boundaries and we need to respect those boundaries, as well as respecting other peoples.
I know we have all heard of our ‘why’. But just in case you haven’t it is the reason you are doing what you are doing; family, security, freedom, children. So many whys.
By being clear on your why, it will help you set boundaries for yourself.
It will be the reason you don’t do that extra appointment or take that extra call.
It is so easy to get sucked in to doing more clients and putting our family to one side. But we have to become really clear on why we do what we do and if we respect our boundaries, others will begin to respect them too.
There are many times in the past I have known my husband is cooking my dinner and then a client has turned up late (meaning I will finish late), or I have squashed that extra appointment in (just because he will understand). Now, it doesn’t matter that they understand, is it really fair? Is it putting your needs first or is it you putting work first? This is because you didn’t have boundaries or a firm why. I didn’t that is for sure. However, now I do not do that. My time with my husband is important.
Is it worth it?
Many times, in my marriage, I have put work first. It is almost a standing joke that if a client wants something done, I would prioritise them. I can joke, but I don’t like that, really!
My marriage is my why, without my husband, Andy, I wouldn’t be able to do what I do, because we are a team. That is why it is so important, now, that I set those boundaries and be clear on my why. Believe me, other people put their why first. They are happy for you to put your why to one side when it suits them, because it works for them. You have to be strong on your whys.
At what consequence?
I can be that person who is completely focused, and it is like the outside world does not exist. Sometimes Andy has said to me, I think you have forgotten about me. Now, I joke and say stop being so needy. But is it fair really? I wouldn’t want to feel like I am not a priority.
My message to you, is be really clear and get focused on your why and this will be the reason you can set boundaries and you can stick to them. Think about it now, where are your boundaries? Write them down. Think about 3 areas that are a priority to you and then think about the boundaries around these areas.
What areas do we set boundaries in?
There are many areas, but here are some examples I would use, at least to make a start anyway.
It is so important! We need to be recharged, especially if you are a salon owner as it can become exhausting. Get a planner and plan your week… Set out those appointments/habits with yourself.
For me, this is time aside in a morning for my daily exercise, this is important to me and none negotiable. It is not necessarily because I want to look good. This is more to do with mental health. My head is always spinning with ideas and always on the go. I need to destress and time out. This is why this exercise is so important to me.
Obviously, I want to look good and feel my best. I feel that running helps me. I joke and say I wasn’t built to run. It is something I find hard, however, when I have done it. I feel amazing!! I have a treadmill, which I do, but if I have chance I like to run around a lake which is near where I live…
My hubby starts work super early, so if Andy has a late start (by later I mean not 6.30am) we can have breakfast together. I make sure I do not start in the salon (if I am working there) until the opening time.
There are many times I have, in the past, gone in way before opening and stayed way later. Not any more!! Even though salon work requires late nights, this is actually the part of the job I dislike the most. I am much more of an early bird and I would love to work 6am-2pm every day. But unfortunately, salon life does not work that way! Now I limit the late nights…
Think about what it is for you. What are the things, weekly, you will not put to one side? get clear on your boundaries.
I love holidays, this is something that means a lot to me. These should be on your planner, if this is important to you. Otherwise clients get booked in and before you know it you have missed your holiday, because you didn’t plan it and you didn’t book it.
Now, this is a big one. I am often online for work. So I find myself saying I am just doing this, because… Andy says ‘there is always something’. He is very good at helping me with boundaries.
When I am consumed by social media, I lose my own creative flair because I am consumed by what is going on outside my life. This is not great. If you are a beauty business owner, you need to be on the ball and full of ideas.
We have to make a choice. If we decide to do one thing, it means we have decided not to do another. By that I mean, how often do you feel you haven’t got time. What have you thought of lately, for work, and then not done it, because you didn’t have time. Yet you were spending an hour on facebook or Instagram and not actually ‘for work’. Does this make sense? Its about setting priorities and being clear and focused on what you want to do. Think about it. What could you have been doing instead of an hour on facebook at lunch time?
The time you spend at work, when you answer your phone, the time people can contact you. I love my clients and I do not mind doing stuff for them. I like it. However, I used to find myself spreading myself thin, allowing clients to almost tell me what to do or how things will work. I like to help people, so I will often say ‘I will do that for you’ and before I know it my day is taken up doing extra jobs for other people. It is not always reciprocated either.
Now, another biggy is staff! Staff often like to rule the roost. They like to tell me how things will work or what they will do. Before I know it, I am the one doing many extra tasks, which staff could quite easily do. Do you find this? Staff is a massive boundary that needs to be fixed. Be strong here and decide, what you will accept and what doesn’t interfere with your boundaries.
Don’t let others dictate
You have to be able to set boundaries otherwise you are allowing others to dictate what you are doing. It is so easy to allow others to dictate. I know I have and still do at times.
You can still be a nice person and have boundaries. I always want to be liked, so this is obviously a big thing for me.
Would you rather let others decide what you are doing or would you rather say ‘no’ to things that do not fit with your boundaries.
Now have a look at your boundaries, again. What have you written down? Take a moment now. Solid boundaries can make you become more efficient. Look at others who you admire and look at what they are doing to set boundaries.
Take 3 areas you have written down and be very specific with what boundaries you want to set around these areas. Be very specific, but don’t feel overwhelmed, hopefully I have given you lots of examples.
Commit to them
Any more than 3 can be too overwhelming. This is why I am suggesting a maximum of 3. Put them in order of priority. Even just 1 and begin to tell people, so they know your boundaries. It will be uncomfortable to begin with, but stay strong.
Why don’t you join (if you haven’t already) ‘Creating Salon Success’ Facebook group and share with us your boundaries. Put it out into the world to commit to them.
Warren Buffet says ‘really successful people say no to everything!’
Respect other people’s boundaries and they will respect yours…
Lots of love
All said with love and care. I hope useful.